Monday, February 1, 2010
A Word to Dads
As a Dad and “father-like” figure in the lives of teenagers, I know the impact I have in my kid’s life. However, I am also very aware of my own limitations and failures as a father/father-like figure. The knowledge of these two truths often creates a dramatic conflict inside men. As dads and father figures, how do we deal with our shortcomings and failures?
The youth staff has been reading a book by James Bryan Smith called The Good and Beautiful God (IVP Books, 2009). It is a spiritual formation book designed to, as stated on the cover, help readers “fall in love with the God Jesus knows.” In short, Smith does a great job delivering on his promise and I highly recommend his work. He has a lot to say to men dealing with their less than perfect “fathering” practices. Smith identifies with the struggle all fathers’ face in dealing with their own imperfections. He then encourages his readers, many of whom have had very disappointing father/father figures in their own lives, to let Jesus define and/or re-define what the role of father looks like. Smith writes:
… God’s fatherhood must define what human fatherhood ought to look like, and not the reverse. The “How to Be a Good Dad” booklet I keep on my bedside table has some nice tips (“Play with your kids” and “Listen to them”), but I would do a lot better drawing near to my heavenly Father and allowing him to shape my heart into his image. The way God is Father to me teaches me how to be a good father to my children (62).
Smith offers a number of great fathering (and parenting) strategies worth imitating by identifying character traits of the Heavenly Father mentioned by Jesus in the Lord’s Prayer.
A good father:
…is Present
…is Pure
…is Powerful
…Provides
...Pardons
…Protects
He is rather transparent on how he tries to make each of the six character traits a description of his own parenting strategy yet frequently falls short of the ideal. Even so, he prayerfully strives to keep the ideal six as a daily parenting goal. It is a journey worth the effort.
As dads and father figures, how do we deal with our shortcomings and failures? In short, acknowledge your shortcomings (by the way, it is alright to confess your shortcomings to your kid. They know you are not perfect), Accept the forgiveness of the Father and strive to make the six characteristics of your own parenting style. I know from experience that these steps are much easier said than done and you may need to get assistance from a counselor, minister, spouse, friend or trusted spiritual advisor to work through them. Even so, it is a journey worth the effort.